Dear Woman, You Were Never Meant to Come Last

There’s this quiet thing we women do. We don’t talk about it much.

We smile and serve, love and lead, nurture and nourish, hold space and hold everything together—for everyone.
And then we collapse in silence.

Not the kind of collapse others see. No, we keep going, still functioning. Still showing up.
But inside? We’re exhausted. Alone. Irritated. Tired.
So tired.
And then comes the guilt.
For feeling tired.
For needing rest.
For not being enough for everyone, all the time.
For wanting just five minutes of peace without someone needing something.
We carry this invisible weight and then wonder why we feel invisible ourselves.

Let me say this out loud for us all: This is not the life we were made for.

Why Do We Do This to Ourselves?

Why do we put ourselves last?
Why do we pour out until we’re bone-dry, brittle, and cracking inside?

Maybe it's because we’ve been conditioned—subtly and constantly—to believe that a “good” woman is selfless to the point of self-erasure.
That to be worthy, we must always give more. That rest is indulgent, and asking for help is weakness. That being tired means we’re not doing enough.
Messages come from everywhere.
The media tells us our bodies aren’t enough.
Society tells us our roles define our worth.
Religion, misunderstood, has sometimes told us that suffering equals holiness.
And we?
We believed them.

Somewhere along the way, we started thinking we had to be everything to everyone... except ourselves.

And we wonder why we feel so lost.

The Hidden Cost of Emotional Self-Neglect

Here’s the hard truth: ignoring your needs comes at a cost.
You might be able to push it aside for a season, or years, or decades, but your soul keeps the receipts.
Your body, too.

There’s always a bill to pay.

• That tension in your shoulders that never goes away?

• The headaches that creep in during moments of stillness?

• The sudden fatigue that no amount of coffee can fix?

• The allergies, the insomnia, the unexplained aches?

Many of these symptoms aren’t just physical—they’re emotional messages your body is trying to deliver in a language we’ve forgotten how to listen to.

Emotional self-neglect often leaks out physically. When we suppress our feelings and override our limits, our bodies take the hit.
The chronic stress of trying to be everything for everyone sets off an inflammatory response in the body. That leads to all kinds of issues—autoimmune flares, digestive troubles, migraines, hormonal imbalances, and more.

When our soul is drained, our body whispers… then screams.

And the scary part? This way of life feels normal to us.

The Real Enemy Behind the Burnout

If the enemy of your soul wanted to keep you from living out your purpose, what would he do?

He’d keep you distracted by everyone else’s needs.
He’d whisper lies about your worth until your confidence dried up.
He’d cloud your mind with anxiety, shame, guilt, and perfectionism.
He’d make sure you stayed too tired to dream, too busy to hear God’s voice, too discouraged to step into your calling.

The enemy doesn’t even have to destroy you—he just has to keep you depleted enough that you never realize how powerful you really are.

When you’re emotionally exhausted and physically run-down, it’s hard to believe you’re chosen.
It’s hard to feel beautiful, capable, worthy, strong.
It’s hard to remember that you are the daughter of the King, made in His image, full of gifts, ideas, wisdom, and fire.

And that’s the point.
He wants you to forget, or not even learn it in the first place.

Could We Be... Cruel to Ourselves?

Here’s the wild part: if we really take a look, we are often cruel to ourselves.
Not just a little self-critical. Cruel. We speak to ourselves in ways we’d never speak to a friend. We beat ourselves up for every mistake, every flaw. We judge our reflection in the mirror, we compare our lives to others and come up short every time. We tell ourselves we’re too much. Or not enough. And then we smile and keep going.

This isn’t humility. It’s self-abuse masked as sacrifice.

Would you treat your daughter the way you treat yourself?

Would you ever look at your friend and say,
“You don’t deserve rest.”
“You should feel guilty for having needs.”
“You’re not doing enough. Try harder.”
“You’re not pretty enough. You should be ashamed.”

Of course not.

So why do we let those words live in our minds rent-free?

Because somewhere along the way, we learned to believe lies. We became loyal to lies about who we are, instead of truth.

The Truth About You

Let me remind you of something sacred: You are not an afterthought.
You were never meant to come last.

You are not a machine.
You are a deeply loved, intricately designed, profoundly gifted woman with emotions, dreams, and a body that needs care.
You have limits and that’s not a flaw. That’s divine design.

You carry the image of God. That means you’re creative, nurturing, strong, wise, resilient, intuitive, and full of spiritual authority.
You’re meant to flourish, not just survive.
To overflow, not dry out.
To lead, love, nurture and build, but from a place of fullness, not depletion.

What Does Self-Honoring Look Like?

We don’t need another bubble bath suggestion or “just go to the spa” tip (though those are lovely).
We need a new relationship with ourselves.

Self-honoring is…

• Listening when your body says “I’m tired” instead of numbing with more hustle.

• Saying no without explaining or apologizing.

• Choosing quiet when your soul is overstimulated.

• Speaking kindly to your reflection in the mirror.

• Asking for help and receiving it without shame.

• Blocking off time to dream, create, breathe, and just be.

• Allowing space for your emotions—grief, anger, joy, delight, without judgment.

• Following your peace, even when it disappoints someone else.

Self-love is not selfish. It’s stewardship.

When you honor your capacity, you build it.
When you respect your body and your time, you teach others to do the same.
When you invest in your emotional health, you create ripple effects of healing around you.

This is how we reclaim ourselves.
Not all at once.

But by deciding, daily, to choose wholeness over hustle, peace over pressure, truth over lies.

Pouring From Fullness

You can’t give your best to others when you’re living from a deficit.
We were never meant to serve others from a dry well.
Our giving is most beautiful when it comes from abundance, not emptiness.

What makes you feel like you again?
Start there.
Do those things regularly. Not as a reward for surviving the week, but as a lifestyle of wholeness.

And most importantly, come back to the One who made you.
Let God remind you of your worth.
Ask Him who you are.
Let His voice speak louder than the shame, the comparison, and the striving.

You weren’t made to hustle for your worth.
You’re already chosen.

It’s Time, Sister

It’s time this changes.
It starts with a decision.

To stop waiting for permission.
To stop pouring from an empty cup.
To stop living for others’ approval while ignoring your soul’s cry.

It starts with deciding to take care of you.
To know yourself.
To honor your voice.
To trust your body.
To love the woman in the mirror like you’d love your own child.

Because when you are whole, you are unstoppable.

Let’s raise the standard, not just for how we care for others, but for how we care for ourselves.

The world needs the real you.
Not the burnt-out version.
Not the hiding, hustling version.
The radiant, rested, powerful, purpose-filled you.

You were never meant to come last.

Make today the day you choose to come home to yourself.
And stay.

So for you and your healing journey. 

Peace, Love and Joy,

Rebecca Jo