Healing After Narcissistic Abuse: Learning to Trust Yourself Again and Embrace the Life You Deserve

Healing from narcissistic abuse is one of the hardest journeys you’ll ever take, but it’s also one of the most beautiful. You are not just recovering from what happened to you; you’re reclaiming who you are. And that is incredibly brave.

The pain you’ve been through wasn’t "just a bad relationship" or "a rough patch." It was the slow erosion of your sense of safety, worth, and reality. And coming out of that kind of storm takes time, tenderness, and truth.

Here’s what I want you to hear, more than anything else: you are allowed to heal in your own way, at your own pace. Some days you'll feel strong and steady. Other days you'll grieve a version of yourself you didn’t even realize you lost. That’s okay. Healing isn't linear, and grief doesn't come in a straight line. It curves and loops and surprises you. Let it. It's part of your becoming.

Learn to Trust Yourself Again

One of the most painful side effects of narcissistic abuse is self-doubt. You may find yourself second-guessing everything, your thoughts, your decisions, your memories. That’s not your fault. When someone chronically gaslights, manipulates, neglects, and belittles you, it chips away at your inner compass.

But here's the truth: you can trust yourself again. Start small. Listen to what your body and heart are telling you. Notice what feels peaceful and what feels heavy. Your intuition is still there. It might be quiet right now, but it's not gone. With time and kindness, it will grow louder.

Invest in Yourself

After spending so long walking on eggshells or shrinking yourself to survive, investing in you might feel foreign. But you are worth it. Every single bit of care, energy, and attention you once gave to someone who couldn’t receive it—you get to give that back to yourself now.

    •    Explore your interests again. Try something new or return to something you used to love before life got so heavy. Let joy lead you, not pressure.

    •    Practice self-care that goes deeper than bubble baths. Get honest rest—physical, mental, spiritual. Let your nervous system recalibrate in spaces that feel safe and slow. Eat foods that nourish. Drink water. Breathe.

    •    Pick up a hobby just because it makes you smile. You don’t have to be great at it. You just get to enjoy it.

    •    Surround yourself with people who feel like sunshine. The ones who don’t make you question your worth, who don’t play mind games, who make you feel seen, safe, and deeply human. Keep those people close.

Stop Invalidating Your Experience

You may hear yourself saying things like, "It wasn’t that bad," or "Maybe I overreacted." That’s the voice of the conditioning you endured, not the truth. Abuse that leaves no bruises can be the hardest kind to name, but emotional and psychological abuse are real, and they are damaging.

You are not being dramatic. You’re being honest. Your pain is valid. You deserve to name it without shame and heal from it without apology.

You Don’t Have to Understand Them

Here’s a gentle truth: you don’t have to keep trying to understand someone who is not mentally well or emotionally safe. You don’t have to solve them, fix them, or make sense of why they did what they did. That weight is not yours to carry.

Letting go of that responsibility is not cold or unkind, it’s necessary.

The more you untangle yourself from their chaos, the more space you create for peace to grow in your life.  If you need to forgive yourself for not seeing the true person they actually are, then generously forgive and extend yourself so much grace, and know that they know how to shapeshift and put their best face on.  It’s a skill they learned and they know how to identify soft, vulnerable, loving, generous and vibrant people that they need in order to meet the needs of their emotional dysregulation impairment.  Their behavior and their emotional disease is on them to regulate and work on, it’s not on you. 

Narcissism Simply Explained

Narcissistic people operate from a deeply broken place, one they often refuse to acknowledge or put effort towards healing. It’s basically a psychotic break from reality. Full on narcissism is not just a personality quirk; it is often a profound psychological disorder rooted in deep inner turmoil. At its core, it reflects a break from reality. The person clings to a fantasy world where they are superior, gifted, and uniquely deserving of admiration. In this imagined version of life, they must be seen as extraordinary, almost untouchable, and anyone who enters their world becomes part of that illusion. The narcissist requires it.

If you step into that space, your kindness may be turned into a tool. Your empathy might be used to prop up their fragile self-image. In doing so, they will likely exploit you, not out of malice, but as a means of sustaining the narrative that they are special and worthy of reverence, this is what is often referred to as a ‘supply’ that is greatly needed by the narcissist. This behavior, though harmful, is not rooted in strength—it’s driven by fear and shame.

Beneath the surface, narcissism is a defense—a way to survive the unbearable. It often forms in early childhood, where trauma or emotional neglect left the person so wounded that pretending became the only way to cope. They convinced themselves that the pain wasn’t real, that they were not powerless or harmed, but instead exalted, adored, and invincible. It was a child’s way of escaping the truth. And the child grows up to become an adult, but this coping mechanism stays the same and is in deep need of healing.

This way of living is not glamorous. It is agonizing. It’s lonely, delusional, and deeply tragic. The narcissist is not really celebrating themselves as it seems, they are running from themselves. And in the process, they cause real harm to others while remaining imprisoned in a story that keeps them from healing.

Their behavior isn't just selfish; it's manipulative, confusing, emotionally abusive and cruel. They lack true empathy, twist reality to serve their narrative, and skillfully gaslight you into doubting your own perceptions. Over time, being in a relationship with a narcissistic person becomes not just exhausting, it becomes soul-draining.

A Tornado You Can’t Tame

You might have found yourself constantly walking on eggshells, trying to avoid triggering their next outburst or silent treatment or neglect. You gave more and more of yourself, hoping that if you just loved them better or changed yourself to their liking, they’ll finally see you, appreciate you, or change. But with a someone like this, the goalposts always move. What was “good enough” yesterday isn’t today.

And before you know it, you're a shell of who you once were—questioning your worth, your sanity, and your strength. It’s death by a thousand cuts. You are giving your best to keep the narcissist ‘in supply’ of what they so desperately need and cannot provide for themselves.

Tiny, seemingly minor digs and dismissals accumulate until your confidence is paper-thin. You start to silence your needs, your boundaries, even your voice, just to keep the peace. And the heartbreaking part? You may not even realize how much of yourself you've lost until you're finally out of the relationship.

It is nearly impossible to stay in a relationship with a narcissistic person without losing yourself, because their “love” is conditional, and their validation is like a mirage, always just out of reach. They feed off control, chaos, and confusion to keep you guessing which ensures your focus stays off of them and always on yourself. Your pain often becomes their power, a sad reality that is difficult to come to grips with, that has nothing to do with you. It’s a condition that no one else can fix.  This kind of relationship is like being sucked up in a tornado after you’ve held on for dear life and no matter how strong, resilient, or smart you are, the tornado eventually overcomes you because it’s bigger, more powerful and shows no mercy.  It’s an epic storm that one can only run away from to survive it. 

So no, you don’t need to keep analyzing their behavior or trying to decode their moods. You don’t have to keep looking for closure from someone who was never emotionally available or emotionally capable of being in a mutually satisfying relationship in the first place, from the very beginning.

Now That You Know More and Finding Closure

The closure you need is found in your healing, in the rebuilding of yourself, not in their explanation or getting them to understand you.

Letting go isn’t giving up, it’s choosing to stop shrinking for someone who was never going to make room for you in the first place and isn’t capable of the love you deserve.  They aren’t capable of loving themselves, yet alone anyone else. The saying really is true, how other people act is really about them, not about you.  

You’re amazing.  And they know that.  They chose you because of it.  Protect and embody your amazing now that you’re healing and away from a relationship that was draining your very soul! 

Accept That Grief Will Change Day to Day

Some days you’ll miss them, or at least the version of them they presented themself to be. Other days you’ll feel angry, or hopeful in your future, or numb, or even scared of them being back in your life in some way.  All of it is valid.  This person needs deep upheaving root healing before they can show up for themselves, yet alone for anyone else.

Grief doesn’t follow rules. It doesn’t care about timelines. You’re not doing it wrong because you laughed today, or cried yesterday, or felt nothing this morning. You’re healing.

You’re allowed to take up space again. You’re allowed to trust your own voice. You’re allowed to live a life that feels safe, full, and honest.

You don’t need to be perfect to be worthy. You just need to keep showing up for yourself, one step, one breath, one small act of care at a time, just the way you are in those moments.

Because you’re not broken.  You’re becoming.

So for you and your healing journey. 

Peace, love, and joy, 

Rebecca Jo