Stop Casting Your Pearls, The Cost of Giving Away the Best of You Too Easily

Stop Casting Your Pearls: The Cost of Giving Away the Best of You Too

There’s a deep ache that comes from giving your very best to someone who isn’t able to receive it. It’s the kind of pain that doesn’t show up with bruises or scars, but lingers in the soul like a dull echo of betrayal, and often, the betrayer wasn’t someone else. It was you.

Jesus said, “Do not cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces” (Matthew 7:6). That’s not just poetic wisdom. It’s a soul-saving warning.

Your pearls are your peace, your joy, your healed heart, your wisdom earned through struggle, your hard-fought clarity, and the most beautiful, refined parts of you that were shaped through fire and tears. These aren’t throwaway things. These are sacred. These are you at your best. And too often, we give these treasures to people who have not earned a place of trust or reverence in our lives, and the cost is steep.

The High Cost of Misplaced Treasure

When I offer someone my deepest truths, my vulnerabilities, my time, my insight, my loyalty, without first discerning if they are able to receive and honor it, I’m not just being generous. I’m being reckless. Not out of malice, but out of misplaced hope.

We give people the parts of us we’ve bled for, only to watch them scoff, ignore, misuse, or completely miss the weight of what we’ve given. And when they do, it hurts.

Badly.

The anguish is layered:

• We feel rejected, not just for our words or actions, but for our essence.

• We feel unseen, because the depth of what we’ve offered wasn’t recognized.

• We feel angry, because we expected honor in return, but never required it upfront.

• We feel ashamed, as if our best wasn’t good enough, when in truth, it was too good for the setting we placed it in.

And that’s where the most painful truth surfaces: I chose to give what was sacred to someone who never had the capacity to carry it. They didn’t earn that depth, that insight, that gentleness, or access to my peace nor did they earn my trust, and I didn’t require it, I gave freely, deeply and openly. And now I feel violated, not because they took it, but because I handed it over.

When Someone Can’t Carry Your Pearl

Some people just aren’t capable of holding what’s holy. Not because they’re evil, but because they’re immature. Emotionally unavailable. Spiritually bankrupt. Or simply uninterested.

We expect people to cherish what they’ve never seen as valuable. We assume they’ll recognize the cost of our healing, the depth of our heart, or the courage it took to open up, but they can’t. Or won’t. And when they trample our pearls, we get mad at them. But we should be having a serious conversation with ourselves.

We cannot pour the wine of my growth into a cracked cup and not expect it to leak. I cannot place the fruit of my hard earned transformation in the hands of someone who only knows how to consume and destroy. We are not obligated to give our pearls to anyone who hasn’t proven they’ll protect or honor them.

Wisdom: Knowing When to Share and When to Hold

Discernment is the safeguard of our soul.

Here are a few principles I’ve learned to help me know when I can share my pearls—and when to hold them close:

1. Observe patterns, not promises. Promises are easy to make. Patterns reveal character. If someone doesn’t honor small things, they won’t honor deep things either.

2. Test for peace. Does sharing with them bring peace or anxiety? Do I feel safe, seen, and heard, or drained, defensive, and disoriented?  How do they act when I tell them no?

3. Respect is the currency of exchange. Trust and intimacy are earned, not assumed. If someone hasn’t paid the price of presence, humility, empathy, and consistency, they haven’t earned my best.

4. Not everyone gets access. Jesus loved everyone, but He didn’t entrust Himself to everyone (John 2:24). I’m allowed to have inner circles. I’m allowed to guard my heart.

5. Delay is not denial. Just because someone can’t handle my pearl now doesn’t mean no one ever will. Some treasures are meant to be revealed in the right season, to the right people, in the right setting.

What I Want Others to Hear: Your Pearls Are Precious

You’ve come a long way. You’ve done the work. You’ve healed things others haven’t acknowledged yet in themselves. You’ve learned lessons the hard way. You’ve fought to keep your heart open, kind, and full of hope.

Don’t throw those sacred parts to the ground just because someone’s standing there asking.

Your pearls were never meant for the careless, the critical, or the chronically indifferent. They were created for moments of holy exchange. For safe spaces. For wise hearts. For mutually satisfying relationships.  For people who don’t just take, but treasure.

So pause. Pray. Discern.

And let’s save our pearls for the altar, not the trough.

So for you and your healing journey. 

Peace, Love and Joy,

Rebeca Jo