The Unsung Hero of Relationships, The One Who also Works on Themselves For Others, Too!
Let’s just pause for a moment and give a standing ovation (or at least a polite golf clap) for the truly rare, incredible human who doesn’t just work on themselves for their own personal peace of mind, but also because they genuinely care about how they show up for others. Yes, I’m talking about that hero who says, “Hey, maybe my unhealed junk shouldn’t be my spouse’s daily breakfast special,” and then actually does something about it.
We’ve all heard the self-help personal creeds about “doing the work,” “being your best self,” and “finding inner peace,” and hey, I’m all for that. A healthy, peaceful mind is a lovely place to live. But here’s the magic trick: some people realize it’s not just about them. They understand that their emotional maturity (or lack thereof) doesn’t live in a vacuum, it spills over onto everyone around them.
Let’s be honest: it’s one thing to ground your way to a serene mindset of peace and clarity so you can finally enjoy your morning coffee without spontaneously combusting at the neighbor’s leaf blower. But it’s another level of love and maturity to take that healing journey and apply it to the real world, to your relationships, your community, and yes, even to that annoying neighbor (though maybe not their leaf blower).
This person, the one who works on themselves because they actually care how others experience them, is what I like to call the unsung hero of relationships. They’re the ones who know it’s not fair to expect their spouse, friend, family members, or coworker to just “deal with it” when they’re triggered, defensive, or in full meltdown mode. Instead of saying, “Welp, that’s just how I am,” they say, “That’s just how I was, but I’m working on it, so please bear with me.”
Now, that’s love. That’s maturity. That’s the kind of person who doesn’t just talk the talk but actually walks the walk (sometimes with a bit of a limp, but hey, progress is progress). They recognize that healing their triggers, managing their own emotional baggage, and showing up with kindness isn’t just about them, it’s a gift to everyone they meet.
And let’s be real: it’s one of the bravest things a person can do. Because working on your own toxic patterns means you can’t keep blaming everyone else for your problems. It means admitting, “Hey, maybe I’m part of the problem, too.” And then, get this, they actually do the work to be a better human.
Imagine if we all decided to take that kind of radical ownership for how we impact the people we love (and even the people we only kind of like). What a world that would be, less finger-pointing, more self-reflection; less passive-aggressive muttering, more heartfelt, “I’m sorry for my part in this.”
So here’s to the brave souls who work on themselves not just to find their own peace, but to create peace around them. You are the true heroes of love. The ones who, in a world that says “Just be yourself,” say instead, “I’m going to be my best self, because you matter to me, too.”
More of that, please. More compassion. More responsibility. More of us showing up better for each other. Because at the end of the day, working on yourself isn’t just about self-help. It’s about loving others well. And that, my self help friends, is the most beautiful kind of transformation there is.
So for you and your healing journey (for yourself, and for others, too!).
Peace, love, and joy…
Rebecca Jo