Rooted in Love: How Embracing Yourself Unlocks Authentic Relationships
Loving Yourself to Love Others
One of the most misunderstood principles in the life of faith is the importance of loving yourself. Many of us have been taught that loving others means putting ourselves last, that self-denial equals self-neglect. But this isn’t the example Jesus set for us, and it’s not the path to authentic love. The truth is, learning to love and respect ourselves is foundational to loving others well. Without it, we operate from depletion instead of overflow, and God didn’t create us to live burned out and boundary-less.
In Mark 12:31, Jesus tells us to “love your neighbor as yourself.” That little phrase “as yourself” matters. How can we truly love others if we don’t first understand how to love ourselves? If we constantly think poorly of ourselves, neglect our emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being, or allow others to cross boundaries we haven't firmly established, then what kind of love are we offering to those around us? A fragmented, exhausted version of love is not what God calls us to extend.
Loving yourself begins with recognizing your worth, not from a place of pride, but from the truth of who God says you are. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). You are His workmanship (Ephesians 2:10). You are chosen, redeemed, and deeply loved. Honoring yourself because of your identity in Christ is not selfish; it’s obedience. When we learn to see ourselves the way God sees us, we begin to treat ourselves with the dignity and care He desires for us.
Learning to love yourself can feel unfamiliar at first, especially if you’ve spent years putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own, or, simply just not believing you were worthy of much self love or that it’s selfish. But loving yourself is not selfish. It’s how you begin to honor the person God lovingly created. You are not an afterthought. You are not a burden. You are worth kindness, gentleness, and care—starting with how you treat your own heart.
One of the first steps in loving yourself is to simply notice how you speak to yourself. Would you talk to a friend the way you talk to you? If the answer is no, begin to shift your inner voice. Instead of harsh criticism, practice speaking to yourself with tenderness. When you make a mistake, say, “I’m learning. I’m growing.” When you feel tired, whisper, “It’s okay to rest.” These small moments of grace begin to rebuild a new relationship with yourself—one rooted in compassion.
Another simple practice is to give yourself permission to do something that brings you joy. This can be as small as lighting a candle while you cook, taking a quiet walk outside, or turning on your favorite music and dancing in the kitchen. You don’t need to earn joy. You were made to receive it. When you regularly do things that remind you life can be beautiful, it nourishes the parts of you that may have gone neglected for too long.
Start paying attention to your needs and honoring them. Drink water when you’re thirsty. Eat when you’re hungry. Rest when you’re tired. These sound like basic things, but for a woman who is used to running on empty, they are acts of sacred rebellion. Each time you care for your body and your emotions, you are declaring: I matter too. And that truth can begin to reshape everything.
Part of learning self care is setting boundaries, with others and also with ourselves. How can we hold others to boundaries if we can’t do that with ourselves? Boundaries are not barriers to love; they are the structure that protects and nurtures love. When we overextend ourselves, when we say “yes” to everything and everyone out of guilt or fear of rejection, we step outside of the rhythm of grace God designed for us. Instead of living from a place of peace and purpose, we spiral into resentment, fatigue, and disconnection.
Boundaries also help us grow in discipline and self-respect. Telling ourselves “no” to things that drain us or pull us away from God’s best is just as important as telling others “no” when needed. Loving yourself means recognizing your limits, honoring your capacity, and choosing obedience over people-pleasing. This is how we live in abundance.
Loving yourself is not a destination. It’s a daily decision to treat yourself like someone God loves. Because He does. Fully. Without hesitation. And when you begin to align with that truth, you’ll discover that the more gently you treat your own soul, the more love you’ll have to offer the world around you.
Ultimately, what we pour into ourselves is what will overflow to others
If we fill our hearts with God’s truth, extend grace to ourselves, and choose to honor the life He’s given us, then what flows out of us will be authentic love, not obligation. We can serve others joyfully because we’re not running on empty.
So embark on the journey to learn to love yourself well, not with arrogance, but with the deep reverence that comes from knowing you are a beloved child of God. Respect yourself, set boundaries, and let your life be an overflow of the love you’ve received and given to yourself, as well as the love you receive from others and from Father.
This is how we love others well. Not from striving, but from fullness. Not from burnout, but from blessing.
So for you and your healing journey.
Peace, love and joy...
Rebecca Jo